all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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