So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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