I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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