I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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