I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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