Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
