so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
