A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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