in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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