and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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