i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
