If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
