Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So vagazzling was a success
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize