Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
