he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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