I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
