Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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