yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
