I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
