I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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