just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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