So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
