He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
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