in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
