recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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