in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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