If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
