8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize