The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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