Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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