david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
