i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
