I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
