4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
