You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
