am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
