we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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