he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
