Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
