I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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