he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Everclear isn't food dammit
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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