I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He better not be in your backpack
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Enjoy the penises
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
