i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
