Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
