um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
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