I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
