My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
