PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He's on the porch naked. Help.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
