And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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