i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
When are your genitals available?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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