those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
