Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize