She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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