he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
