She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
where am i from again
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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