I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
