You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
