You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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