I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
