i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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