I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
At least make sure they are 18
Why
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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