We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
