FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
