i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
