I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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