Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
