she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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