i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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