I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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