dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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