Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
