No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
