i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Blow job season was short but glorious.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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