It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
