How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
