dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
