i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
