Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
