i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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