So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
