Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize