when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
