yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
