omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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