they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
