Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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