I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
