I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
