I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
