Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
