Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
