Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
