i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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