you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
