you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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