Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize