Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
