Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
