I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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