I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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