I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
