Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
