It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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