So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
cat food counts as protein by the way
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize