Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
