Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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