i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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