It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
