Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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