.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
