So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize