my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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