He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize