My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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